If you were around or growing up in the 90's, or perhaps are a fan of TV sitcom reruns, you are probably familiar with the TV show 'Family Matters'. It was an absolute hit show. It aired for nine seasons over two different networks (ABC then CBS) from 1989 until 1998 with 215 episodes before viewership decline prompted the network decision to cancel it. 'Family Matters' had an awesome cast of very talented actors. It was a humorous and wholesome show. (We could use a resurgence of shows like that!)
One actor, Jaleel White, played a character by the name of Steve Urkel - or simply, Urkel - who would almost instantly become both a pop-culture icon and a mild social insult. Played to perfection, Urkel was the nasally, socially-awkward, super-intellectual, nerd prone to social missteps and physical clumsiness. According to various sources, the character of Urkel was slated to only appear in one episode (or a few at most), but the character was such an instant hit with the audience that the producers and writers turned Urkel into a main character.
The character's catchphrase uttered in its nasally intonation immediately after his many mishaps erupted into culture, and it is still echoed by many fans even today: "Did I do that?"
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"Did I do that?" can be a good self-assessment tool. This question comes to my mind at times, but not yet as often as I would like.
In even recent memories, I have witnessed drivers with very limited available distance race their vehicles just to get ahead of cars in an adjacent lane and forcing a dangerous merge - even if then slowed to a crawling speed or full stop soon afterward. I have witnessed people driving at high speeds, on both highway and city streets, while weaving across lanes of traffic as they narrowly miss other vehicles by mere inches. I have seen people cut across one, two, and three lanes of traffic for an exit off-ramp that they suddenly decided to take or hadn't properly thought about and planned for. I have watched people consciously aware of another driver's need to change lanes and yet choose to not let them merge. I have witnessed drivers move at creeping speeds and cause congested traffic. I have sat in workplaces or restaurants with people nearby loudly using foul language or discussing inappropriate topics.
My first, natural, inclination is to consider those people either idiots or disgusting. But on a good day, I'll ask myself, "Did I do that?"
I'd be a liar if I denied it. I have, at one time or another, been guilty of those same or at least similar things. Even if such an event I witness doesn't resound with me, I remind myself that I haven't been faultless and have done foolish things too.
- I drove like a crazy person the night I rushed at high speeds through the city to the hospital upon hearing of the unexpected death of my mother.
- I was on a road-trip, became irritated with the traffic, and drove in such a manner that I angered a young man so much that he drove on the grass beyond the highway's shoulder matching my high rate of speed in an attempt to get me to pull over for a fight.
- I have driven (regardless of my speed) so that drivers behind me are desirous to get around me and tailed too closely for safety.
- Some people in my shared workspace frequently use foul language in both casual conversation and from irritation, but I have spoken like that before also.
- At various times, I am with people that behave inappropriately, discuss inappropriate topics, or make in appropriate jokes, but I have done that very thing before also.
- I often hear people discuss their inappropriate relationships, but I have also been guilty of engaging in those before.
- Although checking for clearance in traffic, I too have cut sharply across lanes of traffic because I was missing the exit.
There are countless other instances that could be listed that I would have been guilty of doing like things. I'd also be a liar if I denied that on an ever-rarer occasion I still fall into those same sort of things.
In truth, I don't know if the person driving dangerously and aggressively is simply impatient, enraged, thoughtless, or facing a crisis. I don't know if the person driving slowly is simply being overly cautious, inattentive, inconsiderate, an elderly driver, a new driver, in ill health, or having mechanical issues. In short, I don't know what is going on with people that are not me. I simply have my perspective of them that comes with assumptions, presumptions, and my own expectations.
"Did I do that?" Most likely, yeah I have - or something like it.
It's not always a matter of reacting to a sinful act either. Much of the time it is a matter of annoyance, and then it's a judgement of self-righteousness rather than one of righteousness. But regardless of whether we are identifying a sin or a personal annoyance, we have probably done something similar to it, and the heart with how we react matters.
On a good day when I think to ask myself the question, I am quickened to show others grace just as grace was given to me from God. It is a good diagnostic question to check one's self for hypocrisy in judgement, but it is not a natural trait to police your reactions. It takes conscious effort and practice. When it is acquired and practiced though, it becomes a trait of maturity. The more you practice it, the more you gain self-control and the ability to demonstrate grace.
Am I perfect at catching myself and asking that question? Absolutely not. But I am better at it than I was last year, and better then than the year before, and so on. I have no room to look down my nose at someone for doing what I myself have done, and what I could still find myself doing in the future, especially when I don't know what their circumstances are.
It is also a reminder for myself, especially regarding aggressive drivers, to pray for them and for the people around them. Admittedly, I will sometimes pray for them to see wisdom and use caution or to be side-lined if needed, either one, for the safety of others. With God's help, I'll continue to improve how I view and interact with others.
Would you challenge yourself to police your reactions and ask yourself:
"Did I do that?"
Now He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and began praying this in regard to himself: ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, crooked, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to raise his eyes toward heaven, but was beating his chest, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’ I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other one; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”
(Luke 18:9-14)
(For how we should judge, see also: To Judge or Not To Judge)
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