When I was a mid-teen, my parents separated. Due to the reasons of the separation, I chose to stay with my mother.
If you have read my story, you will know that I was a highly insecure, introverted, and reclusive person well into my adulthood. I was also struggling with sinful problems that began at an early age and they would stay with me well into my adult life, namely: sexuality and pornography.
Like a lot of sin, it was fun and gratifying. My self-consciousness and insecurities created fertile ground for attention from girls, and the pornography both distorted my ideals and primed my appetite of what was attractive and desirable. Through the years, there were young women and adult women that met those warped ideals.
Being raised in a Christian home, I knew these were sinful. I can say I lacked the strength to resist, which while it may be true, the truer statement was I lacked the true desire to resist. It became an on-again-off-again internal conflict. I didn't want to sin, but I didn't want to give up the sin.
These earlier years were in the days of the "hellfire and brimstone" sermons and Christian apocalyptic movies like "A Thief in the Night". The fear of hell was pushed intensely and often.
[Side note: During that time, sermons on the reality of hell may have been overly stressed and potentially incited more terror than repentance. However, I believe the reality of hell is nearly equally absent in messages today. It seems to me to be like a pendulum in motion. A pendulum while swinging to either the right or to the left is unbalanced in favor of the one direction or the other. It is only when it is in mid-swing at the bottom of its arc that it reaches equilibrium. Too much about hell and God's justice, and you reduce the message of God's grace and forgiveness. Too much about God's grace and forgiveness, and you lessen the message of hell and God's justice. God's grace, forgiveness, and justice are not quantitative - they are each infinite and immutable, and they work in complete harmony with one another. We need a balanced message to present the full message.]
In times of regret (or conviction?), I would cry out and beg God to forgive me. I would pray "the sinner's prayer" time and again. Inevitably, I'd fall right back into my methods and actions. Inevitably, I'd find myself weeping and begging for forgiveness again.
My life was like the history of the nation of Israel as laid out in the book of Judges. To be lifted out of sin, to fall back into sin, to cry out for help, to be lifted out of sin, to fall back into sin, to cry out for help, and so on. It was a cycle that was absolutely wearing me out.
Then there was one particular night that I was fighting between those desires and repetitive surrender to them. It was one of the more internally stressful struggles that I can recall. It became so great, that I awakened my mother in the middle of the night to seek relief from the fear and anguish. I did not confess my sins to her, but told her only that I was struggling and afraid but mainly that I was so very tired of fighting these fights and that I did not want to fight any more - ever. I wanted the temptations (and by extension my submissions) to vanish. I just wanted ... to be.
Maybe you've been there - tired of the fight and just wanting out of it entirely.
Maybe you're feeling like that now. If so, that's just part of the battle and you are being overwhelmed.
Here's the truth. Until we stand before God and His holy judgement as either a redeemed saint or an unredeemed sinner - we are in that fight. And we will be overwhelmed relying on our own strength.
You, like mid-teenaged me, may not want to fight; you may be weary of it, but we can't escape it. We are either beset by the enemy if we are God's children or we are employed by the enemy in one manner or another if we are his children. There is no neutrality of a "spiritual Sweden".
When you are feeling weary of the battle, that is indication of an active attack and manipulation of the enemy attempting to render you ineffective.
But, that should neither frighten nor burden a child of God.
The battle was decisively won 2,000 years ago when from a tomb the One who died crucified on a cross 3 days prior rose to life again, defeating both sin and death, breaking the bonds of sin of all those who trust in Him, and who reigns forever.
When you are feeling worn out and weary from battling the enemy, here are a few actions to help:
- Be on guard and be watchful.
Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.- 1 Peter 5:8
Be mindful of your triggers and weaknesses. The enemy is certainly aware of them and will utilize them.
Triggers and weaknesses can often be visual, audible, or proximal but not always. For instance, I find will myself vulnerable during times when my mind and/or body is weary. These times can occur even when unintentionally awaking in the middle of the night.
It is possible to fall into a trap when you are actively watching for them. It is probable to fall into a trap when you are not actively watching for them.
- Don't fight alone.
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!- Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.- James 5:15No one likes confessing sin. It is shameful to us, and the enemy pushes that to his advantage. But freedom from that shame comes from confession: first to God and then to others. Find a Christian brother (or sister, for you ladies) that is trustworthy, that has discretion, that has a steady walk with the Lord, and that is willing to help you in this fight. Confess your sins to them (you don't have to provide gritty details), and ask them to help you.
Don't just confess your sins. Share the triggers and weaknesses with your companion accountability partner. This will allow them to help you keep a watchful eye for them and to ask pointed questions to help you stay on track.
Whether you are the tempted or the companion, be willing to do what is needed to either seek or provide support when the battles arise. It may be making or taking phone calls in the middle of the night or involve some other inconvenience. Warfare most often brings attacks when the target is complacent, unprepared, and unexpecting. Would the attack on Pearl Harbor have been as devastating if the American and Japanese militaries set an agreed upon time for it to begin?
Here's a little not-so-secret. Christians grow and mature at different levels and speeds in the process of sanctification. They may struggle with sins too. It is possible that the person you are confiding in equally needs to have your support and accountability in return.
- God won't trap you or abandon you.
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.- 1 Corinthians 10:13
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.1 John 1:9
Who better to know what we face than the One who created us, who is omniscient, and who is all wise? Even at our dirtiest, God sent Jesus to redeem us. We confess our sins to Him first and foremost because He is the companion that can never fail us or leave us. Jesus died so that those who trust in Him would not be trapped eternally. He didn't wait for people to clean themselves up first.
God didn't abandon people, He sent Jesus as the ultimate escape from sin. Jesus came on His rescue mission because we can't clean ourselves up. Christian accountability through a companion is a means of escape that God provides by establishing the foundation of His family through the sacrifice of Christ and the work of the Holy Spirit.
Why then should we try fighting battles on our own?
- Stay armed in God's Word, in prayer, and in praise.
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.- Psalm 119-105I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.- Psalm 119:11
Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak- Matthew 26:41Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.- Colossians 4:2Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.- James 5:13
In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints- Ephesians 6:26-18
There is a reason why Paul wrote in that method to the Christians in Ephesus. Life is a battle. It is a clear-cut dichotomy of two positions: life or death, good or evil, eternal life or eternal condemnation.
God desires us to have life with Him. Jesus came that we might have life and have it abundantly, but the enemy comes to steal life (John 10:10). Jesus told his disciples that those not against Him are for Him (Mark 9:40). We are indirectly instructed that we must chose between those two sides (Deuteronomy 30:19, Joshua 24:15).
- TLDR:
- Stay watchful and prepared to seek or render help - consistently.
- Spend time in transparency with Christian companions - consistently
- Spend time reading and studying the bible - consistently.
- Spend time with God in prayer - consistently.
- Spend time praising God - consistently.
As the angel told Gideon, who was threshing wheat in a winepress rather than a threshing floor in order to hide from his enemies, "The Lord is with you, o mighty man of valor."
It wasn't Gideon that would go on and win the battles. It was God winning the battles with Gideon in tow. And so God will be your strength in battle too.
- - -
- - -
Posts
